Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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