So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
