Whod you bang
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
