His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
