Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
