is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
