Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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