So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
