No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
