I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
