If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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