...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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