my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
