Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
