I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
