I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
