The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
