Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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