I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
