we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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