And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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