I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize