Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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