I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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