I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
