Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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