Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
