Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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