This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
