Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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