I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
