What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
