I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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