I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
