Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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