I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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