but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
