I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
