Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital