i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.