lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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