Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
