when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
