I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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