Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
