I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
