Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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