It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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