Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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