There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
