Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
