god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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