Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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