last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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