I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
