i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
