"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
