Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
