why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
