i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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