She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
