I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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