Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
