Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
