I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
