i jhust puked up my retainher.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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