super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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