If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
