Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
