you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
