The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
