he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
only you would photoshop your dick
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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