I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
