overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
