you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
