Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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