I bet he comes in French.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
