just come out here and I will go home with you...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
