I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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