I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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