he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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