I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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