...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
