I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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