Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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