What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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