is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
