it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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