there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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