I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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