fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
